Kevin Corcoran -- Vocation Story

Throughout the first three years of high school, I was an atheist, simply not believing in the existence of God. Science proved everything to me. In my sophomore year of high school, I took a Lenten walk with my pre-confirmation teacher. The “walk” was more of me asking about the faith and trying to disprove the existence of God. After becoming closer to the teacher, they asked me simply, “What do you want most in life?” I answered immediately from my heart, “love.” What I meant by this was a woman to love, someone to marry, have children with, and spend the rest of my life with. This would become important later.

I continued my classes because I was made to by my parents. The rule was I had to attend classes, but the choice to confirm was my own. At the end of my junior year, I made confirmation. However, I did so for the wrong reasons. I confirmed myself first to, as I put it, “Shut up my parents and teachers”, second in case someone wanted me to be a God-Father in the future I would need to be confirmed. It was truly the work of the Holy Spirit that I came to be confirmed. At the time I considered myself Goth and indeed showed up for the confirmation wearing a tuxedo tailed jacket and goth pants with chains hanging on them.

I continued in my life until at the end of the summer when I began to date a young woman. I had found that love that I had longed for. My stubbornness against the faith began to change. I began to waiver in my beliefs, acknowledging that God could exist but my pride would not let me believe it. I continued to talk to my old teacher and they continued to prove to me that God really was there. He was in my heart, even if I didn’t know it.

On October, 23, 2007 I had the blessing to see a miracle. A few families and I were over at a parishioners house and present were two Benedictine priests. One of them had with him a miracle from Mexico. There exist in Mexico a church built on a spot where rose petals where seen falling from the sky. Each petal had within it, a depiction of a holy image. For example, there was the nativity, Jesus and the crown of thorns, the crucifixion, and Our Holy Mother. These pictures were part of the flower, not the vain and not painted on, but actually in the petal. To see these petals however, they need to be held under the light, for under normal light you cannot see them. Now you are still able to leave a rose at this church, and the petals will fall to the ground with holy images in the petal.

There, on that night, was God in front of me. He was present and very real. An existing and current miracle. How could I deny that. By Christmas, I was a believer again.

A year later, when talking to my cousin who was studying to be a Sister of Life in New York, I mentioned this story and knowing my girlfriend helped. She said a phrase that has struck me since: “You found love, and that is what God is, God is love.”

The following February, 2009, I went on a College Catholic retreat entitled Encounter with Christ. This weekend really taught me to listen to God, and how to do so. At the end of the weekend, I began to start having thoughts of the priesthood. However, I was still dating the girl from the year before, and put off all of these thoughts.

Eventually though, I found need to separate from her, which occurred in March. The entire month I continued to have thoughts of the priesthood. Then, after separating from my girlfriend, I was sitting on a bus, returning to college after a weekend home, I heard the call. I felt in my heart “Kevin, come become a priest for me.” It felt like I was falling in love, all over again. But more deeply and passionately, and this time, it was with Christ. My heart initially embraced it, I responded with everything I had.

After a few weeks though, I began to doubt. I kept thinking and discerning, but I knew what I wanted in my heart, for my life, was to be married. So I began to fight the call. But when you fight with God, you lose. I talked to a seminarian visiting my college about priesthood. I asked questions like, what about marriage and children? He responded by telling me that you marry the Catholic Church and you will have more children, the people of the church, than you ever dreamed of. With this in mind, I began to contemplate diocesan or religious life. With the help of my campus minister, I realized that coming from a big family and loving to be with people, community life would be better for me.

A friend, John, found out I was discerning and started to talk to me. He introduced me to a religious community called the Salesians. He introduced me to an online quiz sponsored by Vision Magazine that matches you up to the religious community that would be best for you. Of course, it turned out to be that the Salesians were at the top of the list. John then led me to their vocation website. After looking at the website for some time he offered that I should go to their discernment weekend with him in April, 2009. At first I was hesitant to go, however, later I consented and bought the plane tickets.

The discernment really emphasized two things: to put aside your fear and to do God’s will, not your own. I continued to fight this though as the weekend went on. But on Saturday night, during adoration, my eyes laid upon the Eucharist, and I knew that there, with the Salesians, is where I belonged. I revealed this to Fr. Franco, the vocation director, and started the application process that night. I finally put aside my fears and started to listen to the word of God and say yes.

Though I continued to have fears throughout the next three months before I joined, a great peace had come over me. I entered the house in August of 2009. I have to continue to listen to God’s will, put aside my fears, and follow his will everyday.