When I first started discerning the priestly vocation I felt Jesus present to me, it was a joyful time, with many spiritual consolations accompanying it. I believe the Lord gave me these moments to help me in the initial period of my discernment, to beckon me on to the next step, which was really taking action. After making this first step, by choosing to enter the seminary, God began to take away some of the “candy” and began to show me the importance of faithfulness, in regards to vocation. This was something I was defiantly not prepared for, I thought that taking this next step would just mean more consolation, but I can see in hindsight that I have a definite need to grow in the virtue of faithfulness, something I have never really nurtured before. This is all pretty general stuff though, so I guess I better get to the more personal aspect of my vocation.
Reflecting back on the past couple of years, I can defiantly see a little more clearly that God has been preparing me all my life, holding me, for the vocation He has prepared for me. I had a conversion experience over Christmas break during my junior year of high school. It changed my life forever, and it was a spark that opened my eyes to the reality of Christ in the world, and in my life. I didn’t receive any vocational calling through this experience, except to the holiness of the baptized, but looking back, I think that this was just one step that God was taking to lead me and prepare me for His call.
I had always grown up with the mindset that I was going to be married, and even after my conversion experience, this vocation was at the forefront of my mind. To be honest, I really just wanted to be a poor farmer who prayed. It wasn’t until the January of my senior year that I first experienced any sort of inclination towards a priestly vocation. My first inclination actually, Providential enough, came while flipping through the channels one night toward the end of January and landing on EWTN, which was showing a movie about a priest from Italy! I watched the movie for a little while, and was absolutely captivated by this priest, Don Bosco, I couldn’t turn it off. What he did for those poor boys filled me with awe and inspiration, and I remember before going to bed that night, praying to God saying that “if I am going to be a priest, I want to be like him.” This all took place before I felt called by Christ to discern the priesthood.
It was a couple days later on Ash Wednesday, that I first felt Jesus call me to the priesthood. Before Mass that morning I prayed that God would show me His mission for me during the Lenten season. I think it was at this point that I began to consider the priestly vocation, and I believe that the Spirit was working gently throughout that day, as I began to look into that vocation. It wasn’t until that night though, while in silent Adoration, I prayed again about my vocation and then listened. I remember a battle between marriage and the priesthood, because I longed to love intimately and be loved intimately by another person, but Jesus revealed to me that that is exactly what the priesthood is about, intimate union with Him and His Church. After seeing the priesthood like this, I accepted it, and felt strong consolation and peace.The main desires in my life right now, are to grow closer in relationship to Jesus and to be happy. I know this sounds vague, but that’s what it is. My desire for the work I wish to do in my life is to help souls, really to help them come to God and His goodness. Of course I desire to be happy also, and I believe that my desires are pointing towards happiness, both in this life and the next.
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